The Clock Has Started

So the clockstopper and I broke up... It's an end to a wonderful start. I thought it was the relationship that would last until forever. When I prayed for the relationship and wished for it from a shooting star, I asked God and that star to give that to me until I die. But it finally had to end. I am still in love with him. And yes, I am hurting. But the hurt is different this time. It's like I'm suddenly uprooted. I suddenly don't know what to do with my life or if I have one. He has been my life for years. It hurts like someone took my heart away. I can't cry about it. I can't throw expletive phrases at him. Maybe I'm in denial. One thing that's good, though, is that I still can smile. I was able to for the people I work with and strangers I meet. I hope it means that I can get over him soon. Maybe the only consolation I have is the fact that I tried to do everything I could, no reservations; even in forgiving him about his cheating. For once, I couldn't blame myself. __________________________________ So after a short shopping at Ever Pasig, I took a jeepney home. It was definitely the worse traffic of all. But the San Sebastian Choir was in the jeepney with me. They did an impromptu concert, singing Christmas songs and "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. They were very generous with their talent and I am sure that everybody in that vehicle felt the essence of the holiday. Thank you for the songs and the smiles.

Passion For English

So I decided to put up a site. I'm not sure if it's going to work, but I sure do hope so. While I'm developing materials for it, I discovered that I was focused and determined. I even forget to eat or drink water when I'm in the zone. I even installed Articulate eLearning Tools to make my materials "nicer". Although the software looks user friendly, I'm still learning how to use the it. Maybe making training materials is my thing.

Oh well, if I win the lottery, I think I won't stop developing the website and training materials.

I'm getting sidetracked. Here's the link to the website:

Passion For English
http://love4english.webs.com

If you notice an error or have some suggestions, please let me know.

English Is a Funny Language

They say "Necessity breeds creativity.". I say, "Desperation forces ingenuity."

When people are trapped in a corner and they have to come up with something to survive, our adrenalin pumps over edge and we either do something stupid or really brilliant. Most of the time brilliant.

And yes, I am desperate. I am trapped in a corner. However, I can't say I will do something brilliant. This may be really really stupid. I have decided to teach English online, as an ESL tutor.

It's a horror! I just heard a creepy background music. I swear! Don't get me wrong. I love the English language. That's why I wanted to be a journalist in the first place and probably ended up as a writer for ESL materials before. However, I've never tried having a job outside of the corporate world. The thought of doing something new scares me.

So I brushed up on the rudiments of the English language and I stumbled across this funny poem:

Indeed, fish, crabs and shrimps are called seafood. But if they come from a stream, river or lake, will they still be called as such?

Hold On or Let Go?

My Philosophy professor said that there are only 2 premises in a relationship. The first premise is to hold on. I imagined that this would be metaphorically grabbing on to something while a very strong wind tries to blow you away. Just like the scene from Twister when Helen Hunt held on to a pipe while a tornado passes by. This means that there's no need to hold on to something if here's no threat to blow you away or take something away from you.

The second is to let go. This is when you don't feel that there's no hope and you just release your grip and say goodbye. Or maybe this is when you want to save the person you love just like how the father cut his rope in Cliff Hanger.

The problem is when to let go or when to keep on holding on. See, my professor never really explained this. When and how does a person really know? Do you let go when you think that all hope is lost? Do you keep on holding on even if it hurts, as long as you see even a tiny spark of hope?

Living a Life of Your Own Design

I am person of no luck at all. I have proven that several times in my life. When I was a kid, I had to work to be an honor student to get a pair of skates or a brick game. In college, I had to be frugal with my Php 500 a week allowance. That amount has to cover for 3 meals a day, projects, phone credits and fare. Then I had to work part-time to have an amount for enrollment.

I had to work harder than everyone else. Like now, I have been a trainer for more than 3 years and the people I've mentored are now training supervisors or are earning much more than I did.

Everything that I have and I had is a product of hard work, sweat and blood. I have no luck at all. And I refuse to believe in destiny, because if I do, it only means that I have resigned to being like this forever.

The clock stopper said that he has noticed my lack of luck. Everything I do is calculated, carefully thought of. When I fail at something, I don't rely on luck nor prayers to have it fixed. I do something to fix it. He also said that I am living a life of my own design. My own decisions. My own doing.

It is a euphemistic way of looking at it. I am happy that he sees it that way. However, I am wishing and praying that I could get lucky just once. Just once... I would like to breathe and say that I got what I want and deserve, and I didn't have to lose a finger or break my back getting it.