Hold On or Let Go?

My Philosophy professor said that there are only 2 premises in a relationship. The first premise is to hold on. I imagined that this would be metaphorically grabbing on to something while a very strong wind tries to blow you away. Just like the scene from Twister when Helen Hunt held on to a pipe while a tornado passes by. This means that there's no need to hold on to something if here's no threat to blow you away or take something away from you.

The second is to let go. This is when you don't feel that there's no hope and you just release your grip and say goodbye. Or maybe this is when you want to save the person you love just like how the father cut his rope in Cliff Hanger.

The problem is when to let go or when to keep on holding on. See, my professor never really explained this. When and how does a person really know? Do you let go when you think that all hope is lost? Do you keep on holding on even if it hurts, as long as you see even a tiny spark of hope?

3 Separate Thoughts

1. The clock stopper murmured, "I love you". Then he asked, "Did you hear that?" My answer? "Huh?"

I wasn't able to react! I didn't even hear him clearly and wasn't sure if I heard him right. Did I lose the "moment"? Is there such thing as a "perfect moment" when two people express their feelings at a moment when there seems to be music in the background and butterflies flying around, just like in the movies?

Oh well, I could not even say a word to respond. I am the female counterpart for guys' "torpe".

2. I miss my blog. My Internet has been disconnected and I don't really have the chance now to have it reconnected. I miss whining and bitching out.

3. I am quitting my job today. Finally! Wish me luck, y'all! I will rest and restore my health. Then, I'll embark on a fresh journey, perhaps in a different company or with a small business I've been thinking about.

Idle Mind

I have a lot of thoughts today. First, I really want to focus on nude photography this time. I want to master it. I still love taking photos of the things around me but doing nude photography allows me to do the drama I want to see in photos.

Now the problem is getting a model. Hmmmm...

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So I want to see someone again. I was hoping he would take me to the zoo today. (Yes, I haven't been to a zoo my entire life. It's embarrassing.) However, I'm not that excited to go to the zoo. I am more excited and anxious to see him again.

I saw a shooting star last night and yes, I wished for him. He woke my passion. I wish to keep it awake all the time. I wish to feel hunger for a kiss every waking hour. I wish to feel the tingle down my spine every time he kisses my shoulders and my neck. I wish to feel butterflies in my stomach when he stares at me.

Chocolates!

I used to like Hershey's when I was a kid. Then in high school and college, I fell in love with Meiji. While still in love with Meiji, I found out that cheating with Lindt was and still is addictive and exciting.

Childhood Delights That I Miss

1. My afternoon snack of Clubhouse Crackers dipped in Coke

2. The after-school secret snack from the sari-sari store, 3 houses from where I lived-- calamansi dipped in spicy shrimp paste

3. The Saturday midnight snack tradition of my family -- a hot burger bun and chocolate ice cream sandwich

4. Lomi and bread loaf treat from my uncle every time he's drunk

5. Palabok in a restaurant called Delecta in Iligan City after my ballet class

6. My "halang-halang" (a hot soup dish with beef fat) breakfast in my aunt's carinderia before I go to school

7. My coffee-and-pandesal breakfast ritual on weekend mornings

8. One whole 3-peso "marang" (a seasonal fruit usually grown in Mindanao) just for myself after school

9. My Aunt Jiji's special maja with buko, langka and sweet corn

10. Suman latik every time my Mama Tess brings me to the market

Right or Wrong Decision?

Did I make the right decision in coming to Manila? I hope I did. However the only way to prove that it was the right decision is getting the job that I came here for. I just wish I would know soon.

My Prayer Tonight

Lord, please please help me get the Thomson Reuters job. I promise to save, take photos in my spare time instead of watching TV, make sure I get an educational plan for Kishni and go to church when I can. I know this is selfish and this is bargaining. But I do want this job.

Thank you Lord for everything you have given me.

Amen.

Dead and Gone - Done

I'm done with book 9, Dead and Gone. I wish Charlaine Harris would write faster because I really can't wait for the 10th book.

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I love this book series than the TV series. There's nothing compared to the richness of one's imagination in seeing (in one's mind) the characters...

Sookie Stackhouse - Dead and Gone

Finally! I got it. Who's gonna be sleepless tonight?

Who has Sookie Stackhouse Book 9? --Dead and Gone

I have just finished reading From Dead to Worse which is the 8th book of Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse series. And yes, I'm addicted to it. Now, I'm needing the 9th, Dead and Gone. Please do leave a comment here on where to get a free ebook.

For those who have not read it yet, the links below would be your gateway to the supernatural world--at least in Harris' books.

Book 1 to 5

Book 6 to 8

Updates

I'm back to training new people now. This is something that I haven't done in a while. I admit it was difficult to start learning to teach again and my feet would agree to that. When I get home, they're already swollen. And the next day, I have to wear stilettos again! I don't even have the energy to eat when I get home. and i'm having a hard time finding the right words when I'm explaining.

But hey, I love training people. Maybe the satisfaction of doing what I lvoe is enough for me to keep going.

Anyway, I heard that our boss is resigning. Geez... Everybody's resigning! Shall I get out too? Or maybe I should stay and then I can have the chance to be the boss?

So I Heard

I was able to talk to my supervisor a few days ago. She said that she has been thinking about retracting her resignation. I wasn't able to react because in truth, I know it will be good if she resigns. One, I wouldn't have to deal with a self-righteous person who has delusions of living by her so called "principles". Two, I would not have to worry about having the wrong schedule in our payroll system and getting a very small pay. Three, I would not be a shock absorber anymore of my colleagues' woes about how she tells them to do loads of things.

What pisses me off is that she still talks about how her "principles" are compromised because of what other people in the company do. You may be wondering what those principles are; let me give you an example. She always issues a memo to a trainee or an agent whom she caught surfing the net. But guess what, I've seen her check her Friendster profile too. She keeps on saying that she and her BF do not show PDA at work. But then again, when another trainer was discussing in front of the class, she lets the BF in and be seated next to her at the back of the class. (And hun, the BF is not part of the class.)

I don't care about her surfing the net or doing PDA. I just don't like it when she pretends to be pristine and faultless. I haven't really liked hypocrites.

I am a bitch. I'm not proud of it but at least, I accept that I am one and I do not pretend to be a goody-goody.

I Passed!

As expected, I passed the exam. What I didn't expect was my score. It was higher than what I've expected. I admit, I really suck in studying. And I, of course, surfed the Internet while pretending to review for the exam.

And now, I'm reviewing for another exam or at least pretending to be. ;)

Butterflies in My Stomach

I will be taking a licensure exam tomorrow. And no, I will not tell you what kind of exam it is. I'm anxious and nervous. I want to throw up.

Gossip

The girls in the training department tried to see how fast news can travel. We just talked about leaving the company in our area, in the elevator box, and at the smoking area. And guess what? On the next day, we were asked by a couple of agents if we are indeed leaving the company. Walls really have ears.

Worthy?

Little J, a co-trainer, just sent me a text this morning saying that she might be assigned as a dedicated trainer for one big line of business. And because of that she will no longer be an employee of the call center, but an employee of the client. Of course, her pay will increase because she will now be working for a big US company. Let's call the company Broker's Inc.

Oh well, she always gets the good stuff. When she transfers, I should be supervisor then. There's no guarrantee that the movement will happen anyway.

27 DRESSES

I watched this movie last Tuesday with a colleague. The story was just simple and predictable- a girl who never said no to a request from her friends and family and who was always daydreaming about her own wedding, finally stands up for what she wants and for her happiness. Yes, I was able to relate to Jane. I'm not a do-gooder like her, but I am always a hopeless romantic: always daydreaming about my own wedding and marriage, always in love with weddings, always teary-eyed after reading a romance novel or watching a romantic movie, and always weaving a love story that could be mine. Although I don't have a collection of bridesmaid's dresses, I was able to say, "Hey, that girl is me." - at an exaggerated level, of course.

Believe me, I tried so much to change my perspective on love and falling in love. But I've never changed. Maybe this perspective makes me who I really am. Maybe I just have to wait.

I just hope I don't have to wait until I turn 30 though...

dfrunk

i'm drunk right now. and of course, im writing this while im drunk. pathetic right? hahaha.... i just want someone to be there for me and take care of me.

i wonder why it's so difficult

Cowardice

Why are fear and insecurity getting ahead of me? I was supposed to go out alone last night. Maybe have a beer in a dance bar or somewhere. I've first planned to go to Alchemy. I even planned what to wear.

But last night, I realized how much of a coward I am. I can't go alone. My body is just refusing to go and get ready. So I ended up sleeping the night away. If I could only hit myself... I don't know what happened to my plan of "rewarding myself".

Today, I'm planning to go to the mall. I've already thought of bringing my 2 pairs of shoes to Mr. Quickie to have them repaired. Then, probably it would be good to watch Transformers. I also have to do my grocery. I already ran out of shampoo and deodorant. Then I've thought of having a bottle of beer in Gerry's Grill.

Plans, plans, plans... But can I do them? -Alone. I am a coward. I know, I'd end up turning round and round in Market Market because I can't decide where to go or what to do.

shooting star

at long last, i've played airsoft after being inactive for more than a month. last saturday, our team played with the warpigs in the Army Adventure Zone. Bm wasn't able to bring my gun because, i think, its magazine is not working (poor gun). so i ended up using Enigz's Kaye. Kaye is a wonderful piece of work. she has a red dot scope with impressive precision. (if only i could buy Kaye.)

by mid-afternoon, a convoy of 3 cars arrived. and guess what? troy montero emerged from one of the cars. so he plays airsoft huh? then the marines were already scheming on how they want to take pretty boy down. to their disappointment, troy just played in the late afternoon and only in our team's last game.

we had to exit early since there is a small salu-salo in the house of one MFR member. we arrived in his house about 7pm. there was still a meeting before we had dinner. after dinner, everybody was engaged in a chitchat and suddenly i felt the need to breathe fresh air. so went to the lawn and looked up the night sky. i saw a shooting star. it was my first time to see one. my mind was saying, "what? what do i need to do? i need to make a wish." i still took time to think! but still i closed my eyes and thought of my wish. i wouldn't tell you my wish, though.

"i just saw a shooting star!" i told Ranger.

"naniniwala ka dun?" his cynical reply.

"i don't know. if it's not true and i make a wish, walang mawawala sa akin. but if it's true and i don't make a wish, i would have had lost my chance."