Cowardice

Why are fear and insecurity getting ahead of me? I was supposed to go out alone last night. Maybe have a beer in a dance bar or somewhere. I've first planned to go to Alchemy. I even planned what to wear.

But last night, I realized how much of a coward I am. I can't go alone. My body is just refusing to go and get ready. So I ended up sleeping the night away. If I could only hit myself... I don't know what happened to my plan of "rewarding myself".

Today, I'm planning to go to the mall. I've already thought of bringing my 2 pairs of shoes to Mr. Quickie to have them repaired. Then, probably it would be good to watch Transformers. I also have to do my grocery. I already ran out of shampoo and deodorant. Then I've thought of having a bottle of beer in Gerry's Grill.

Plans, plans, plans... But can I do them? -Alone. I am a coward. I know, I'd end up turning round and round in Market Market because I can't decide where to go or what to do.

...

Why is love so hard to find and so fragile to hold?

in love with love

It's just amazing that some people find someone to stick with, to adore and to love. Many people say that a person should not find love. Love finds a person. However, love is elusive. Like a beautiful butterfly... You're afraid to touch a butterfly. You wouldn't want to hold it or you might break its colorful wings. You just look at it with longing, lingering its beauty, form and grace. But you have to take it. It might go away, or might die that soon.

shooting star

at long last, i've played airsoft after being inactive for more than a month. last saturday, our team played with the warpigs in the Army Adventure Zone. Bm wasn't able to bring my gun because, i think, its magazine is not working (poor gun). so i ended up using Enigz's Kaye. Kaye is a wonderful piece of work. she has a red dot scope with impressive precision. (if only i could buy Kaye.)

by mid-afternoon, a convoy of 3 cars arrived. and guess what? troy montero emerged from one of the cars. so he plays airsoft huh? then the marines were already scheming on how they want to take pretty boy down. to their disappointment, troy just played in the late afternoon and only in our team's last game.

we had to exit early since there is a small salu-salo in the house of one MFR member. we arrived in his house about 7pm. there was still a meeting before we had dinner. after dinner, everybody was engaged in a chitchat and suddenly i felt the need to breathe fresh air. so went to the lawn and looked up the night sky. i saw a shooting star. it was my first time to see one. my mind was saying, "what? what do i need to do? i need to make a wish." i still took time to think! but still i closed my eyes and thought of my wish. i wouldn't tell you my wish, though.

"i just saw a shooting star!" i told Ranger.

"naniniwala ka dun?" his cynical reply.

"i don't know. if it's not true and i make a wish, walang mawawala sa akin. but if it's true and i don't make a wish, i would have had lost my chance."

wedding bells and wedding dreams III

to continue with my flower girls... they would be in pink tights and pink ballet shoes. on their heads would be a ring of fresh flower arrangement. instead of baskets in their hands, they'd use a bag made of see-through cloth, which then will be fileld with petals of different colors. while marching towards the altar, they would blow bubbles.

there would only be 2 bridesmaids. their hair of big curls would hang free and decorated with small white flowers. they would wear asymmetrical flowing dresses. a long-stemmed white rose would be in their hand.