hopes and disappointments

how many times does a person have to be disappointed in order to learn not to hope or expect? well, the end point is not really for a person learn not to hope or expect, but rather to avoid getting hurt or disappointed.

why do people have to promise when they know that there is a possibility that it won't be made true? if a person makes a promise, it should be fulfilled in every possible and impossible way. they should know that disappointments can hurt.

nude painting session

three artists has just asked me to pose nude for them for a painting session. we talked yesterday and agreed on the fee. although it can be a labor to pose while people are painting, i'm very excited about it.

i just hope that there won't be people who will just watch.

man of my dreams

a friend asked me about the qualities that i'm looking for in a guy. here's my answer:

with dignity and principles. someone who's completely in love with me and who completes me. he should love movies.. sweet, smart. someone who cares about other people but not what they say. he must be someone i can learn from... insatiable in bed but only with me. someone does not always say he's sorry, but when he does, he really means it. someone romantic. someone who can surprise me with breakfast in bed one morning, or flowers delivered to the office without any occasion at all. someone who's not afraid to hold my hand in the public. someone who loves to eat anything that i cook. someone who is responsible but can be carefree..

i can describe him to you down to the smallest detail. kaso, the man im describing is ideal, ergo existing only in my mind.

breakfast in bed

WARNING: This entry has adult language and content.

jeez... this morning, i heard the people from the room next to mine having sex. the girl's moans were very audible. i fought the urge to eavesdrop. but honestly speaking, i really want to listen to them. until now, i still could replay how the girl moaned. The "oooohhhs" and the "aaaahhhss". i know, it's unethical to listen. however, i didn't really put my ears against their wall. i just heared them from my room.

yes, i admit. i also get the urge sometimes. i'm not the nun next door. but i've always wanted to take control of that part of me. wait, that's not what i want to say today... to continue: and yes, it made me horny today. and i sooo want to do it. but i can't.

catch

i need someone who can catch me when i fall...

but why can't i learn that there's no one? why do i still allow myself to fall again and again?