Trigger Mania!

So I'm going to shoot again. This sends tingles down my spine.

It's like falling in love with somebody years ago when what you did was just give everything. There's a bit of reciprocation but you just drifted apart. You know deep in your heart that you still have feelings but it just happened. Then suddenly, you get the chance of meeting him again.

This is how giddy I feel now. I'm excited and I can't stop smiling with the anticipation.

I just hope the weather permits me to have at least a short "encounter" with photography tomorrow.

The New Me?

It's a wonder how I used to analyze the reason I wasn't married yet. That was when I was still 24 years old or 25. I know I wasn't ready to get married then but I have always wondered why all my friends have settled down and I'm the only one left standing. When we were in college, my best friends would say that I would be the first person in the four of us who will get married.

And yes, I dreamed of it then. White picket fence, a town house, 2 kids, 2 cars, a loving husband.

But now, it seems like I am afraid to get married. When I think about it, I cringe. It seems... unappetizing.

I don't know what happened.

Chocolates!

I used to like Hershey's when I was a kid. Then in high school and college, I fell in love with Meiji. While still in love with Meiji, I found out that cheating with Lindt was and still is addictive and exciting.

I Need To Feel More

I read my old blog. I never knew I could be that creative. My heart felt each pain and happiness I felt. I was vulnerable then. I was never afraid to try. I may have cried a lot before, but I think the crying was my strength. I had no walls. I was full of life.

Now every where I turn, I see walls. I feel hollow. I am an empty shell of who I was 3 or 4 years ago...

Opie

I didn't believe in destiny. I always thought that a person has their specific journey and destination because of the decisions made in every twist and turn. But somehow, fate would interfere and place a very interesting thing at the side of the taken road.

When I was a little kid, perhaps 7 or 8 years old, there was an older kid in our neighborhood who kept pestering me. His name is Opie. He was grown up boy who was 9 years older than me. He had always tried catching me to hug me. And regardless if he caught me, he always said that he will wait for me without a care in the world on who heard him. "Hulaton taka ha?", that's what I remember him say.

I was a naive little girl then, but already wary of the danger of believing what he said. I would always find ways to avoid him, trying to find an opening to slip through him. I always tried to wiggle away from his embrace despite the weird pleasant feeling while in his arms. I was annoyed by his antics and I clawed my way out from his embrace. But I always felt excited about the attention and the anticipation of his warmth. I could hear my heart beat so fast and loud when I see him. When I think about the possibility of him doing the same thing to another girl, I always try to dismiss it. I could have sworn that I even thought about not ever speaking to him if he hugs another girl. With those 2 years of patintero, I had always felt special. I was secretly and pleasantly excited about him catching me.

It did happen. He was hugging another girl. He stopped catching me. It wasn't just a girl, though. She was someone who was as old as him. She was so beautiful and smart, and I knew that she was the one for him.

Although my heart was breaking into pieces, I couldn't tell anyone. I was afraid that they would laugh at me for really hoping that what he said would be true.

(to be continued)