Hold On or Let Go?

My Philosophy professor said that there are only 2 premises in a relationship. The first premise is to hold on. I imagined that this would be metaphorically grabbing on to something while a very strong wind tries to blow you away. Just like the scene from Twister when Helen Hunt held on to a pipe while a tornado passes by. This means that there's no need to hold on to something if here's no threat to blow you away or take something away from you.

The second is to let go. This is when you don't feel that there's no hope and you just release your grip and say goodbye. Or maybe this is when you want to save the person you love just like how the father cut his rope in Cliff Hanger.

The problem is when to let go or when to keep on holding on. See, my professor never really explained this. When and how does a person really know? Do you let go when you think that all hope is lost? Do you keep on holding on even if it hurts, as long as you see even a tiny spark of hope?

Living a Life of Your Own Design

I am person of no luck at all. I have proven that several times in my life. When I was a kid, I had to work to be an honor student to get a pair of skates or a brick game. In college, I had to be frugal with my Php 500 a week allowance. That amount has to cover for 3 meals a day, projects, phone credits and fare. Then I had to work part-time to have an amount for enrollment.

I had to work harder than everyone else. Like now, I have been a trainer for more than 3 years and the people I've mentored are now training supervisors or are earning much more than I did.

Everything that I have and I had is a product of hard work, sweat and blood. I have no luck at all. And I refuse to believe in destiny, because if I do, it only means that I have resigned to being like this forever.

The clock stopper said that he has noticed my lack of luck. Everything I do is calculated, carefully thought of. When I fail at something, I don't rely on luck nor prayers to have it fixed. I do something to fix it. He also said that I am living a life of my own design. My own decisions. My own doing.

It is a euphemistic way of looking at it. I am happy that he sees it that way. However, I am wishing and praying that I could get lucky just once. Just once... I would like to breathe and say that I got what I want and deserve, and I didn't have to lose a finger or break my back getting it.

So Called "Friends"

I am tired of pretenders. Those who pretend to be friends and asking how I am when they don't really care or do anything even if you're dying. They just want to ask how you are to feel good with themselves and delude their minds into thinking that they are good friends.

It would be much better not to say anything at all. Ignore the suffering person. Just don't make a mistake in saying that you are a friend. Because if you do, you better call yourself "hypocrite".

Yes, I am angry and sad. I can never stop measuring others with my own standards. I can never stop getting disappointed and hurt.

I know what I did for friends and what I can still do for a friend. I can be there for a friend with complete and utter disregard for my own personal safety. Maybe when I get rich enough, I will clone myself.

Shit Happened

I'm going to die soon. Of starvation. I never thought someone can die of that in the Metro.

But I will. It may be better to just put a bullet in my head. Heck, I couldn't even afford a bullet.

Why is it that nobody can be there for me when I try to be there for everybody? Even if I only have 200 left, I still lend the 100 to a friend who needs it. It's ironic.

Every Time You Say "I Love You"

When I remember you say "I love you", I smile.
I smile because I could not only hear the words
But I can also see the love in your eyes.
They speak to me. It's intense.

You thought I would not hear your murmur.
You thought I would not listen to your whisper.
You thought I could not feel those kisses.
You thought I could not sense your stares.

I get blind. I get deaf.
With the look of love that you give me
With the sweetness of those words
Oh, help me but I love going blind and deaf

From your voice, your touch, and the passion in your eyes
I would happily drown and get lost in your arms
This is dangerous, I know.
But my heart sings and soars as my reply.